Sascha had this to say about the workshop!
As I'm not a complete beginner, Melissa’s workshop helped me deepen and actualize my practical understanding of IFS but also gave me new perspectives.
Melissa likes simple frameworks, which is refreshing and gives beginners a good orientation, as IFS can seem overwhelmingly rich and nuanced at times.
It was helpful to hear simple observations like the categorisation of parts into thinking, doing, and being, which is obvious now, but I wouldn't have seen it before she pointed it out.
Also the orchestra metaphor with its chair ordering of parts was new, insightful and of practical use to me, as it helped me understand self-like parts better.
The little exercises we did gave me a sense of how it is to do inner work while being in a supportive and appreciative environment.
To sum up, I can say that Melissa acts with genuine curiosity and determination and her nicely structured and practical approach to teaching IFS made the workshop engaging and insightful for me.
New to IFS or New to Melissa?
In this introduction to IFS, we will experience and explore:
a moment in silence to start with Self energy
Self and parts: the orchestra metaphor and weather metaphor
First chair, second chair and third chair parts; calm vs extreme weather
An overview of parts: protectors and protected
The equilateral triangle of managers, firefighters and exiles
The Five F’s of getting to know a part
This basic introduction will cover parts and Self, unblending and how to start to get to know parts.
It will not cover how to do the steps of witnessing exiles or unburdening. I’ve covered those in other workshops and found that takes more than 2 hours, so to keep this at the 2 hour mark, if people are interested in a follow-up workshop, I may offer a second workshop for those aspects.
Exploring Internal Family Systems Workshop
Melissa started the workshop by focusing on understanding parts and their roles. She introduced the concept of parts as sensations, emotions, actions, and thoughts (SEAT), and used the orchestra and weather metaphors to explain their functioning. She emphasized that parts exist on a spectrum from self-led to extreme, and that the self is not better than the parts but rather the conductor of the inner orchestra. Melissa also discussed the qualities of the self, including compassion, connection, confidence, and patience. She encouraged participants to consider their parts and how they interact with the self, and invited questions throughout the session.
Exploring Inner Child and Managers
Melissa discussed the concept of the inner child, or "exiles," and how they are protected by "managers" and "firefighters." She explained that exiles are sensitive and easily hurt, leading to negative feelings and beliefs. Managers, on the other hand, are proactive protectors who control and manage situations to avoid triggering exiles.
Firefighters react to situations and provide numbing or distracting behaviors to protect exiles. Melissa also discussed how the health of each part affects the others, with healthier parts leading to more freedom and a greater ability to engage in enjoyable activities. The conversation ended with a discussion on how to determine the age of each part and the concept of "neo exiles," which are parts that become exiled due to specific circumstances.
Understanding Emotional Patterns and Parts
Melissa explains that while traumas experienced as teenagers can create emotional patterns, these often connect to earlier childhood experiences. She emphasizes that most emotional patterns originate in childhood but manifest later in life.
Melissa discusses how parts can form at any age, but adult wounds often trace back to earlier experiences. She explains that we're only bothered by present-day accusations if we have pre-existing parts that believe them. Melissa clarifies that parts are autonomous entities with their own emotions and preferences, not just isolated feelings. She uses an example about tea to illustrate how different parts (like managers and exiles) can have conflicting desires that need to be mediated by the Self.
Exploring and Accepting Inner Parts
Melissa led a discussion on the process of finding and understanding parts within oneself. She guided the participants through the steps of focusing on a part, feeling it in the body, and finding out more about it. She also emphasized the importance of unblending from parts that one doesn't like, and encouraged the participants to work towards understanding and accepting these parts. The participants shared their experiences and thoughts on the process, with some noting the presence of physical sensations and emotions during the exercise.
Internal Parts Dynamics and Relationships
Melissa and Sascha discussed the dynamics of their internal parts, specifically the firefighters, exiles, and managers. Melissa explained how these parts interact, with firefighters being closer to exiles and managers managing contact with exiles.
Sascha shared his experience of feeling compassion for his exile, followed by a switch to a manager part. Melissa described this as a good example of blending and encouraged further development of relationships with protectors. Kelley asked about a physical action, which Melissa suggested could be a firefighter's action to soothe nervous energy.
Managing 'Firefighters' in Emotional Regulation
Melissa discussed the concept of 'firefighters' in the context of emotional regulation and the potential backlash that can occur when dealing with sensitive topics. She emphasized the importance of understanding and working with these 'firefighters' rather than against them, suggesting that they are a natural response to protect the system from being overwhelmed.
Melissa also highlighted the importance of communication with managers who may be uncomfortable with the process, suggesting that this could help reduce the need for 'firefighter' reactions. The discussion also touched on the potential for 'firefighter' backlash, with Melissa sharing her personal experiences and suggesting that this is a normal part of the process.
Firefighters, Managers, and System Improvement
Melissa discussed the roles of managers and firefighters in the system, emphasizing that firefighters are reactive to the pain of the exiles, while managers are proactive. She suggested that the system could improve if the exiles were unburdened, allowing the firefighters to reduce their extreme reactions.
Melissa also clarified that while addictions are often associated with firefighters, they can also be a result of proactive behavior by managers. She encouraged appreciating the firefighters' efforts and working with managers to reduce their load, thereby making the system more functional.
Negotiating With Exiles for Healing
Melissa led a discussion on the concept of 'exiles' and their role in our lives. She explained that exiles are parts of ourselves that we have rejected or hidden, and they cause pain and suffering. She emphasized the importance of self-energy in negotiating with protectors and firefighters to go to the exiles and witness their pain.
She also outlined the steps for unburdening exiles, which include staying with the exile, witnessing its painful experience with compassion, retrieving it from the past, unburdening the feelings, and bringing positive qualities back in. The conversation ended with participants sharing a word or phrase they took away from the discussion, which included compassion, clarity, curiosity, connection, and joy.